If I could just have a moment out of my own head. What would that be like?
Instead of a morning starting with, "What day is it? Where am I? How could it possibly be morning already? Right, must get out of bed now or we'll start running late. Won't have time for coffee and will miss the train." Meaning I won't get to work early enough to not consider myself late. "How hot is it actually going to be today? Are we talking the firey depths of Hell, can't touch the steering wheel, only handle the seat belt buckle with asbestos gloves or just hop across the ground like a Masai Warrior kind of hot? Do I wear the dress that allows me to wear the comfy bra, or do I go with the one which looks nicer (no brainer, comfy bra wins every time) Did I wash a comfy bra yet? Damnit! Do I now have time to drink my coffee out the back while talking to the dog, or do I have to sneak sips in between fixing hair and makeup application? Urgh, then I'll have to brush my teeth after I've put my makeup on and we all know how that's going to end. Is Cam awake yet? Does he need coffee too? Did I remember to order the catering for that board meeting today? Is that board meeting still on today? Do I have any lunches left in the pantry? Please don't make me have to buy one, that's a whole other decision I'd have to make - not to mention a complete waste of ten bucks just for a ham sambo. Alright, really need a wee, let's go."
This is before my feet have hit the floor. It may look like I'm just slow to get going or I'm procrastinating, when the truth is, I have so much to get in order before I can start.
Don't get me started on the night time head space. Too late. Here's a taste. It starts while I'm reading in bed. This is to fool myself into having wind down time to switch off before I go to sleep. Currently, the main character in the book I'm reading has Asperger's. That's thought provoking enough and raises many questions for me, which I sometimes have to Google to find out the answer to (looking at phone while in bed is bad, I KNOW!). Then I start looking at the time and bargain with myself. "If you read for 10 more minutes, then fall asleep within 15 minutes, you'll still get 6 hours sleep and feel ok tomorrow". Never going to happen, because I don't get to the end of the chapter at exactly the right time, so I strike up a new deal. Have to get up to pee? "Well, there's no way I can go right to sleep, might as well start a new chapter. If you finish THIS chapter within 15 minutes, then fall asleep within 15 minutes, you'll still get 4.5 hours of sleep. Not great, but you can still function on that". This can go on literally for hours. Not even kidding.
My husband, however. Wakes up. "Bloody nuts are itchy. Gonna take a leak then have a shower." Walks to wardrobe, picks up nearest pair of jeans and shirt that have been washed and hung for him. Starts day. Asshole.
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